I often see people post online how they thought it would have been their enemies who would betray them, not their closest friends.

I groan each time I see that.

Why?

Because your enemies can’t betray you.

Betrayal, as defined in the Merriam-Webster Dictionary, is “the act of betraying someone or something or the fact of being betrayed: violation of a person’s trust or confidence, of a moral standard, etc.”

That last part is what I’ll refer to here –  violation of a person’s trust or confidence.

I don’t know about you, but I do not confide in people I consider enemies. Honestly, I don’t know that I consider anyone an enemy in the natural sense. What are y’all doing to make people so antagonistic against you? I’m just kidding, back to the point.

I understand what people mean, even if the phrasing is off. What they are really lamenting is the violation of their trust from a source they did not expect.

When betrayal happens, you’re not only dealing with what was done to you. You also have to deal with the fact that you gave access to your heart to someone who turned out not to be capable of honoring it.

You start to wonder if you missed red flags in cultivating that relationship. You question whether that person earned your trust. Were they just there, in close proximity, when no one else was?

If we don’t look inward, we may repeat the same extension of trust to those who do not deserve it. Trust should not be extended based on proximity, familiarity, or convenience. It should be extended based on character.

Betrayal does not come from enemies. It comes from access.

The answer isn’t to close off your heart or decide that no one is worthy of trust. That type of bitterness only isolates you further. The better response is discernment. Slower trust, clearer boundaries, and the humility to learn from what hurt you.

Not everyone deserves access to you. That isn’t cynicism. It’s wisdom.