I don’t look like what I’ve been through.

That’s the thought that keeps coming to mind after several discussions with someone I’ve recently met.

At one point they said something like, “Look at you. You look like you’ve had the best life.”

I gave them a rundown of a couple things I’ve dealt with in my life… an alcoholic father, an abusive stepfather… but there are some other things that I did not speak.

The comment that I haven’t been through things came up at another time.

It made me realize something.

To certain people, I seem like I have it together. Like I’m polished.

You don’t see the pain that I went through – or the pain that I’m still working through – on the outside.

I guess that’s a good thing.

But it can also lead to misunderstandings.

When people haven’t seen you on your journey, you can look a certain way as a result.

Your healing can look like isolation instead of boundaries.

Your confidence can be intimidating to those who struggle with their own.

Your growth can threaten the box they try to put you in.

Don’t stop setting boundaries.

Don’t stop building your confidence.

Destroy that box.

Of course, the things we go through shape who we are, but we don’t have to look like them.

When we do the work to heal and grow, we can allow the best parts of us to shine through.

Healing doesn’t erase the story. It just changes how it shows up in us.