I hear the phrase, “patient to a fault,” often. I always thought of it as a badge of honor.

But as I get older, I realize that the meaning behind that phrase can be good or bad.

It can mean that you have patience in situations where others would have a hard time finding patience, and it’s admirable.

It can also mean you are harming yourself and potentially others by not setting proper boundaries, tolerating mistreatment, ignoring red flags, delaying necessary action, and giving endless chances because you are so focused on keeping the peace.

I know, I know, patience is a virtue.

But being virtuous does not mean being abused.

Patience does not mean you should be a doormat.

It does not mean you have to endure toxic, abusive, or consistently disrespectful behavior to the point of self-destruction.

Patience has boundaries.

Boundaries are a way of caring for yourself, loving yourself.

If you don’t love yourself, how can you love your neighbor?

Loving yourself inherently requires valuing your own well-being.

Tolerating continuous abuse does not align with a healthy God-given sense of caring for your neighbor, because you are not caring for yourself. 

While patience is both a virtue and a fruit, its evidence is not in enduring mistreatment to the point of harm.

Patience is not passive suffering.

It should be paired with wisdom, healthy boundaries, and self-respect.