In Part 1 of this series, I shared how I grew up in church. I also discussed how I poured myself into ministry. Eventually, I reached a breaking point. It left me burned out and disillusioned. Walking away was both freeing and unsettling. I didn’t know who I was outside of constant church involvement.

Part 2 is about what came next—the in-between season. It was a time of healing, rediscovering myself, and slowly searching for a place where I could belong again.

Wrestling and Releasing

After stepping away from what felt like a controlling and manipulative environment, I finally had space to reflect. I began questioning myself—how did I end up there? How did I miss the signs of control and manipulation?

I could’ve stayed stuck in the “woulda, coulda, shoulda” loop, but instead, I shifted my focus.

I remembered that I was a different person when I first went there. Back then, that church met some of those needs, and I truly did grow spiritually. I had to acknowledge that piece of the story too.

I also had to face another truth. I had placed unrealistic expectations on people. Expectations about how they should care for me, support me, and show up for me. In doing so, I put them in a position in my heart that should have been reserved for God.

Somewhere along the way, I realized I was a people pleaser. Breaking free meant learning to let go—not just of others’ expectations of me, but also my expectations of them.

The Next Season

In that next season, I focused on rediscovering who I was. I took time just to be—something I don’t think I had ever done. It might sound funny, but I actually started watching TV, sleeping in, and getting a reasonable amount of rest. Healing sometimes looks like slowing down.

I even had time for new experiences. I volunteered at the Chicago Thanksgiving Parade (still one of my favorite memories). I avoided some trouble…but also found a bit of it. Let’s just say I repented, and that’s all you need to know. I dated. That was definitely an adventure. 😂

I spent years searching for a new church, and I mean years. If it looked crazy or at all controlling or manipulative, I was out! I had one pastor light up when they found out I was no longer at my previous church. They told me they wanted me for all the things they saw me doing at the other church, but were not going to ‘steal’ me from there. Nope. Not going there.

At another church, I’m pretty sure I witnessed the pastor’s wife share something I had told her in confidence—with the person it was about. Things got awkward fast, so I left that one too.

Marriage and Finding a New Church

During this time, I met and married my husband in 2012. When we were dating, we visited a church sporadically and later attended more regularly as our family grew. But something still felt off—I was lost in the crowd and struggling to make real connections.

In 2016, my husband and I found a new church with our children. At first, it felt like a fresh start.

That’s where the next part of my story begins.

To be continued…

If anything in my story resonated with you, I’d love to continue the conversation in a safe and respectful space. I host a small community on Discord. We can share experiences, ask questions, and encourage each other in our faith journeys. You’re welcome to join here:

• Discord